The journey of one Angsty Artist, struggling to find her identity, her name and her own style.
Monday, June 13, 2011
TheAngstyArtist Anniversary 2
When I started on this journey two years ago I had certain dreams, some vague and some clear. I had a clear goal that I wanted to progress in wire skill and in defining my own style, and a vague hope that it might lead to a new and different life.
The only door that has opened itself for me in these two years, over and over, is that of teaching. I have long considered whether it was wise to reject teaching opportunities, because 'who knows'? it might lead to that vague different life I was wanting.
When I am truly honest with myself, I know that I am very hungry to develop my own skill and my own talents rather than the talents of others. I am hungry to stay focused on my own gifts and I find teaching to be only a distraction from that. I've made peace with leaving that door shut for now.
As the second year of wire was progressing I have felt depressed by the 'vague' dream which never came true. I have been troubled with how I am to continue to work wire into a full life. I mean, that these last two years have been like working two jobs, and if my life is not going to change, how do I go on like this? I'm only human and my home needs a good cleaning and I am beginning to want other human needs met besides just art. Like loafing and play and fresh air.
The one thing about my life that often makes me feel trapped and stuck is also the very thing that frees me to stay focused on my own talents and artistic vision. Having a full time job frees me from financial considerations in what I design. I don't have to design to sell, nor design to teach.
I had considered even quitting. Not because I am discouraged with wire, but that maybe things are 'just not meant to be' and I need to accept my life as it is and just make this a hobby I do occasionally and retreat from the blog and online participation.
I really don't have any answers for myself as to what I will do this next year or how I will live a more balanced life. I do know that I need to live a more balanced life if I am to carry on some how. Right now, I have more questions than answers in my life and I have begun to tolerate the 'not knowing' of things.
I will tell you that some very good things have recently happened to help me stay focused on my clear goal of improving my own wire talent. The Universe/God has offered a clear sign that 'quitting' was not the intended message for me:)
I can't share those good things with you right now, but I might be able to later.
My name is Mary. My daughter has recently moved on to college leaving me footloose and fancy free. This affords me more time to pursue my own goals:)
I have always made things since I was a young girl, I loved needlepoint and embroidery in my youth. I tried my hand at many crafts over my life but I have always stuck with jewelry and beads.
When I discovered wire wrapping I knew I had found what I was looking for all my life!
I work in engineering designing mechanical parts, though currently I manage mechanical aspects of PC Boards specifically.
I dream of one day wire wrapping full time.