The Angsty Artist

I was raised in an environment where being creative and thinking for oneself was not actively modeled. Being more the compliant and people pleasing type by nature I readily went along with that.

Don't get me wrong - we created things all the time and worked skillfully with our hands often, sewing, knitting, crochet and musical instruments were a big part of our lives, but we played music written by others, and we crafted patterns that others sold to us. I thought of us as crafters, not artists.

In my 20's I was with a friend in a ceramic store, buying figurines for us to paint. This friend found what he wanted exactly except for some bit of detail he did not want. He thought nothing of modifying the figurine and removing that plaster bit to make it his own. I was astounded that someone would even think to do that!


I was half way into my 30's before I really began to own my own mind and think for myself. I've grown alot these last 10 years and have become more comfortable in my own skin. I've been creative in many ways these last 10 years, in raising my daughter, in fixing up the old run down homes I have lived in, in bringing creative solutions to my lifes problems. But I have never tried to be creative in the area of my crafting until recently.

I know for some people, working artistically and creatively is like coming home to something familiar and comforting; but for me it is like exploring some unknown land with unknown dangers and pitfalls.

I am unsure exactly what my tastes are. I like vintage, modern, eclectic, ornate, simple, chic, rustic, victorian, tribal, gypsy and exotic jewelry. Sometimes I do not know what direction I ought to go in, or what my style is.

Having so many different interests is causing me to stumble lately. Recently I made these two upper arm bands for my niece. (My niece is the one who made all the wonderful banners in my Etsy shops.)They are very different styles and I actually like and appreciate both styles. I could not decide between one style and the other for my niece so I ended making her two of them. I wasted a great deal of time in indecision over her design.

I am now trying to fulfill a commission and having the same trouble making up my mind as to what the design will be. This indecision is a huge stumbling block and time waster to moving forward. I don't know how to solve my inner conflicts right now. I could have had 3 or 4 more pieces made with all the time I have been stuck being conflicted.